DEAR ABBY: I used to have a great relationship with my brother-in-law, “Anthony.” I organized his birthdays and invited him over for dinner regularly. I made sure to prepare his favorite meals and packed doggy bags for him for lunch the next day. When the other siblings came to visit, I organized dinner for everyone.

Recently Anthony sent an invitation to a dinner party and said he would only be serving one dish, with no other options. Then he added that since I am allergic to this dish, I might want to bring my own food. I was so put off that I no longer host dinner parties at my house. Am I right to feel this way? — SWEETS IN CALIFORNIA

Dear SEETHING: You have a right to your feelings, but if you enjoy hosting dinners for your family members, I would hate to see you cut off your nose to spite your face. Wouldn’t a more effective way to deal with Anthony be to tell him how his last invitation affected you, given that you’ve provided so generously for him in the past? It was extremely rude of him to serve a dish that he knew one of his guests might be allergic to.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or PO Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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